"Unfaithful"

 

            “I’m home.” She pulled the door shut behind her, kicking her shoes to the side of the entry and pulling her purse off her shoulder. She loved Friday nights, coming home and kicking back after her dinner date.

            “How was it?” he was sitting on the couch, just as she had known he would be, feet propped up on the coffee table, arms stretched across the length of the back of the couch, remote loosely held in his right hand.  He clicked through the channels aimlessly.

            “Alright.” She plopped down beside him, playfully batting at his feet as if to push them down to the floor where they belonged.  He gave her a mock pout and moved his arm slightly so that she had more room.

            “Just alright?” he sounded casually detached, his eyes focused on the screen, but she knew better.

            “What are you watching?”

            He let her ignore his question, but he slanted her a knowing look.  “Nothing much.  Only trash on tonight.”

            She laughed, relaxing back against the couch and grabbing for the remote, inadvertently drawing his arm closer around her shoulders.  She saw his eyes shift momentarily, turning hungry, before they returned to his normal, easy expression. “Two thousand and fifty channels and still nothing good on.” She teased, “Why do we pay for cable?”

            He shrugged, relinquishing the remote and resting his arm across her shoulder.

            “That’s the way it goes, babe.” He paused, a smirk creeping over his face, “And just for the record – I pay for the cable.”

            She pushed his shoulder, turning a little awkwardly, but she was still comfortable.  Comfortable being here with him…

            “Duo!” she squirmed and tried to pull away, giggling, as he tickled her side.  “Stop that!”

            He shook his head, his messy bangs falling over his blue eyes.  He gave her an adorably lopsided grin. “Sorry Hilde babe, can’t do that.”

            She shrieked as his fingers grazed a particularly tickle-sensitive spot on the side of her stomach, reaching behind her she grabbed a pillow and flailed it at him.  Chuckling he caught it in both hands and pulled it down to stare into her flushed face.  Gasping for breath she smiled at him.  His eyes were sparkling with silent laughter and his grin was nearly splitting his face in two.  It felt so good to laugh with him.  Her smile fell away as she studied him and a moment later his began to fade as well.  His gaze fell to her lips and his eyes darkened.  She felt her pulse pick up.  He leaned in toward her, or maybe she leaned toward him, their eyelids drifting closed, and then the pressure on her hands holding the pillow was gone, along with the warmth of his proximity, and her eyes snapped open.  He was seated on the other end of the couch, arms stretched out once more, staring at the television as though nothing had happened.

            What was that?

            Had they almost… kissed?

            She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed.

            That seemed to happen a lot recently.

            It was amazing, really, that it happened as seldom as it did all things considered.

            It had been nearly four years since Hilde Schbeiker had taken up residence with Duo Maxwell.  They were roommates and business partners.  They ran… well, a junkyard kind of.  But it was also a sort of garage.  That didn’t matter though, the important thing right now was their “living situation.”  Hilde had spent the last four years living with a member of the opposite sex.  Worse than that, she had spent the last four years living with Duo who was, quite frankly, the most attractive man she knew.  He was handsome, easy going, trustworthy, reliable, caring… and he had saved her life.  He was, as sappy as it sounded, her hero.  He was very nearly perfect as far as she was concerned, and she was more comfortable with him than with anyone else she had ever known.  And he was comfortable with her as well. 

            There were times when he was in the room that she couldn’t concentrate, times when his skin brushed hers and it burned, times when just the thought of him made her face heat.  There were times she was so attracted to him that it frightened her.  And there were times when she was certain that he felt the same way.

            So it was amazing, really, that moments like this didn’t happen much more often.

            After all, they were two healthy, attractive, adults of the opposite sex sharing living quarters with their best friend.

            It would have been so easy to blur the lines.

            Except that they never had.

            Because they were best friends.  They had made a promise to take care of one another – and they did.  But that was all.

            Hilde dared to dart a glance at Duo.  He was still in the same position on the far end of the couch, eyes trained intently on whatever nonsense was currently being displayed.  To anyone else he might have looked relaxed, but Hilde could tell he was tense.  Tucking her feet up under her legs she scooted closer to him, timidly resting a hand on his arm.  He almost flinched and his gaze flew to that spot.

            “Duo, are you alright?”

            “Fine.” He muttered, not taking his gaze from her hand on his arm even as he spoke to her.

            “You sure?” she nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear with her free hand.

            “Yeah,” he forced a grin, finally looking up at her.  He gave her hand a light pat and then turned to the television once more.

            She studied him a few moments, worrying her lower lip and then she pulled her hand back to her side and curled up a few inches from him, near but not touching.  Sometimes it was better to let it go.

            But even as she made this decision Hilde’s eyes did not drift toward the television screen, instead they remained trained on Duo even as she drifted off to sleep.

 

***

            It was late when gentle shaking, accompanied by a low voice, roused her.  Hilde stretched gracefully, blinking sleep from her eyes as she wearily brought them into focus to see Duo leaning over her.   He offered a small, almost apologetic, smile.

            “Sorry, babe, but it’s time to go to bed.”

            He nudged her side and tugged her legs toward the front edge of the couch.  Reluctantly, still disoriented, she allowed him to pull her upright and lead her to her bedroom.

            She was too tired to move, too tired to even open her eyes.  She was a veritable rag doll, allowing him to support her as he pulled back her covers, and then sighing contentedly as he pulled her briefly into his arms before laying her on the bed.  He waited until she had found a comfortable position before pulling the sheets up over her.  She felt rather than saw him leave and then he was back a moment later, wiping her face with a damp cloth.  She had forgotten to take off her make-up again.  He knew she hated to sleep in it.  When he had finished he brushed the side of his hand against her cheek lightly.

            “You want me to leave the radio on?”

            She grunted an affirmative and he reached to flip it on before standing and heading for the hall.  He hadn’t bothered to turn on the light, so he just pulled her door closed.

            “Night babe.” He called softly.  And she heard his feet padding toward his own room.

            He took such good care of her.

            She lay there, half asleep, her thoughts a confused, muddled tangle, mostly centered around warm thoughts of Duo and their friendship.  And then the radio caught her attention.  Soft strains filled the room.  And suddenly she was very much awake.

 

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

            “Unfaithful” by Rihanna.

            She hated this song – it made her think too much.  Hilde sat up sharply and swung her arm, switching the radio off quickly.  It was a stupid song.  If the girl hated hurting him then she should just stop cheating.  Stupid.

But for some reason, even after she turned it off, it kept replaying in her head, keeping her up long into the night.

 

***

“Still tired?” he asked with a lopsided smile, reaching over to tug a lock of hair gently.

They were seated across from one another at the table, eating breakfast – he had made it.

She made a half-hearted attempt to chuck her section of the newspaper at him.

“That’s what you get staying out late on dates, babe.” He smirked, teasing her.

“I believe I got home rather early last night.” She corrected him, “it was you who kept me up late.”

He grinned, not bothering to deny the accusation.

She loved this.

Hilde quickly looked down at her plate, hoping her bangs would hide the blush that formed at this thought.  What was she thinking?  She pushed her potatoes around the plate with her fork.

“Gonna eat those or play with them, Hilde?”

This time she did chuck her newspaper at him.  He caught it, laughing.  Hilde peered up through her bangs to catch a glimpse of his shining eyes.

She did love this.

Duo was the best friend, the best roommate, ever.  He had helped her last night, and he had even made her breakfast. He always took care of her.  He was the best thing that had happened in her life.  She didn’t know what she would do without Duo; he was more important to her than anything else in the universe.

 

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue

 

Was it wrong to think like that?  Was she using him?

She said that he was everything, but she wasn’t willing to make that same commitment.  She didn’t want to be everything to him.  And sometimes, sometimes she was afraid that she was.

Sometimes there was a look in his eyes that said she meant so much more to him than she wanted to.

Except that it felt good to know he cared that much.

Why did that make her feel so terrible?

Was it because she didn’t?  She didn’t care that much, did she?  Duo wasn’t the only man in her life.  She dated, more often than not.  She didn’t have a steady boyfriend, but there weren’t many weekend evenings that she wasn’t going to dinner with someone.

Did Duo date?

She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen him with another woman.

 
The clouds are rolling in
Because I’m gone again
To him I just can't be true

 

Why did that thought make her feel guilty?

They could date anyone they wanted at any time.  No strings attached, no commitments, no regrets, and no questions asked.  They were just friends.  That had been their agreement, and he had never broken it.   He had never said a thing.

 

And I know that he knows I’m unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy

But she could see it in his eyes when he said goodbye each time.

 

I can see him dyin'

 

Why did that suddenly bother her so much?

She was staring at him.

He looked up and winked at her, giving her that trademark, heart-stopping grin.  She smiled back.

But she could hear the sound of her heart beginning to break.

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be.... a murderer

***

 

I feel it in the air
As I'm doin’ my hair
Preparing for another day

 

She brushed through her hair, throwing a few things into her make up bag.  She usually didn’t carry make up with her, but today she wouldn’t make it back home before her dinner date.  She hated going to meet vendors away from the shop, but she couldn’t expect Duo to do it.  Office stuff was her job.  Zipping the bag closed she gave herself a final once over before heading to the kitchen.  She glanced at the clock on the wall.

No time for a real breakfast, she would grab something quick and take it with her. She hated Mondays!  Already she missed the leisurely pace of the weekend.  She thought back longingly to the breakfast Duo had made for them on Saturday morning. She rifled hurriedly through the cupboards and then stopped when she heard light footfall nearby.

“Hey,” a sleepy voice greeted.  Did he know how sexy he sounded half-asleep?

She glanced back over her shoulder at him and smiled.  He was almost irresistible when he looked like that, all sleepy-eyed and drowsy, his bangs tousled around his face.  As if sensing her thoughts he ran a hand through them as if to straighten them, but he only made them messier.  “Hey, yourself.” She answered, swiping a box of orange juice and a bag of crackers.  Not exactly the breakfast of champions, but it would do.

A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I’m gonna be out late

He was leaning against the doorframe, his long braid dangling over the shoulder of his raised right arm. 

            “Gonna be out late?” his stance was easy, but there was tension in his eyes.  He was looking at her handbag.

 

I say I won't be long
Just hangin' with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell

            She shook her head, dark hair falling into her eyes for a moment before swinging back into place.  “Just going out with Relena.  Shopping.” She grinned, but inside she was squirming.  When had she started to lie to him about where she was going about what she was doing?  Why did she feel like she needed to?

            His eyes darkened, “Oh.”

            He didn’t believe her.

            For a moment she was angry about that.  Didn’t he trust her?  And then she remembered that she had just lied to him.  Why shouldn’t he distrust her? But why did it matter?  What was happening?  She didn’t need to lie to him, and he didn’t need to care.  They were roommates, friends, business partners, that was all.  So why did this feel so awkward?

 

Because we both know
Where I’m about to go
And we know it very well

 

            “Well, have fun.” He pulled himself languidly upright and turned back into the living room. He knew she had lied, and he was still walking away.

            And somehow she was hurt that he had let it go.

            And then she realized that he was hurting too.  For all his nonchalance the look in his eyes said he was dying inside.  And it was her fault.

 

I can see him dyin'

            She closed her eyes tightly, trying to shut out the pain.

 

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why

            What was wrong with her?  Why hadn’t she just told him?  She was going on a date.  And he knew it.

            It wasn’t a big deal. 

            It wasn’t as though he had said anything.  But he didn’t have to…

 

Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be.... a murderer

 

Why was that stupid song still playing in her head?

She shook her head as though to dislodge it, but it remained there throughout the day.  She raced through the day, going from vendor to vendor, arguing contractual points and bartering over price quotes, but in the back of her mind the song kept playing, along with the thoughts that had begun to plague her.  They were still haunting her when her date picked her up from her last stop of the day.

“Tired?” he asked lightly.

And in her mind she heard another voice ask the question.

“Still tired?” Duo teased gently.

And she could almost feel his fingers on her hair.

“You okay?” the voice of her date intruded and she flushed, shaking her head.

“I’m fine!” she said brightly.  He cast her a sideways look, but smiled and accepted her answer before turning back to the road.

Hilde buried her face in her hands.  How could she be thinking about Duo when she was out with someone else?

Our love... his trust
I might as well take a gun
And put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this... anymore

 

Or maybe a better question was this: how could she be out with someone else when Duo was all she thought about?  

Oooohhh... anymore

And I know that he knows I’m unfaithful
And it kills him inside

           

She wasn’t cheating on him.  How could she be?  They weren’t even together.  They had never been together in that way.  She wasn’t cheating.

            So why did it feel like she was?

To know that I am happy with some other guy

            Happy.

            Was she happy?

            Had any of the guys she had dated over the last three years really made her happy?

 

I can see him dyin'

 

They hadn’t.

How could they?  It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with them; it was just that they weren’t… him.

They weren’t Duo.  And no one could ever be all that he was to her.

So why did she keep looking?

Was that the reason she hadn’t been able to maintain a steady relationship?

Was she waiting for Duo?

Why?

It was all so stupid.

She didn’t need to wait for Duo, because Duo was waiting for her.

It was the only explanation for the look in his eyes, the pain, the longing.  The only explanation for the way he took care of her.

She was certain of it now.  Duo Maxwell had been in love with her for years, and he had been patiently waiting for her to realize that she was in love with him as well.

How stupid was she?

She had known what that look meant.  She had known he wasn’t dating, and she had known why.

She was Duo’s world – and he was hers.

And every time she went out with another guy it was as though she were shattering a piece of them both.

Why hadn’t she ever realized that before?  Why had she pushed her feelings away for so long?

Was it too late?  Had she hurt him too badly?

“I have to go.” She said abruptly.

Her date looked at her, a worried frown marring his perfect European features.

“Are you alright?” she was touched by his sincere concern, really she was.  But she didn’t have time for this.  She had to get home to Duo before… before…

Just before.

“I’m fine,” she assured him, still agitated, “I just need to go home.”

His blond brow bunched in confusion but he nodded, “Alright.”  He turned the car around, heading for the apartment she shared with Duo.  The ride seemed to take an eternity, though she knew it was only a few minutes.  She was out the door and running up the walk even before the car had come to a stop. When she had nearly reached the porch she realized that her date was still waiting in the car at the driveway.  Barely pausing she turned and called to him.

“I’m so sorry!  I just… you’re wonderful, but please don’t call me again.”  And then he was forgotten and all she could focus on was the man she knew was waiting somewhere on the other side of the front door.

Her date, still thoroughly confused, shook his head and revved the engine, taking off into the night.  He would never understand women, least of all Hilde Schbeiker.

“Duo!” she burst through the front door, nearly snapping her key in two as she fumbled hastily with the door knob. “Duo!” she kicked off her shoes, nearly toppling over in her hast, and dropped her purse on the floor – missing the table entirely.

“Hilde?” he skidded into the entry, looking worried, and then confused.  His hair was a tangled mess, half braided; he was dressed only in his typical black slacks, and there was a light sheen of moisture on his bare chest.  He had obviously finished a shower very recently.  Seeing her alive and undamaged he stopped, catching his breath.  He frowned as his eyes raked over her, looking for some reason for her to be standing before him instead of out with… well, however it was she had been out with.  “Are you okay?”  he took a cautious step toward her, raising his hands from his sides slightly, as though he would reach for her.

She nodded dumbly, her eyes locked with his.  He opened his mouth to speak again, and then she was moving, throwing herself across the short distance between them and into his arms, nearly toppling him.  His arms came around her and he rested his cheek on her head as she buried her face in his chest.

“Hilde?” he asked in bewilderment.

She almost giggled.  He sounded so cute!

But she didn’t giggle, because what she was about to do was too serious.

“I’m sorry.” A muffled whisper against him and he pulled back in confusion.

“Sorry?” he echoed, clearly lost.

She nodded, trying to look up at him, but only managing to reach his chin.  She did not release him.

“I’m sorry.” She repeated, “For everything.  For being stupid and blind-”

“Hilde, you’re not-” he attempted to contradict her, but she cut him off.

“I’m sorry for hurting you.” She whispered.

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside

And he stopped cold.

“W-what?” he repeated, his voice low and uncertain.

“I’m sorry for hurting you.  Don’t tell me I didn’t.  I know I did.  I’ve been so stupid and blind, and I didn’t want to see, but now I know,” her gaze dropped down to his chest and she leaned her forehead in to rest against him, “I know.  And I’m sorry.”

Duo swallowed convulsively, his arms dropping to her waist and tightening their hold on her of their own accord. “You know what?” he sounded afraid, as though he thought she would run from him.  But she had no intention of running.  Not now, not ever.

And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be.... a murderer

...a murderer
No no no
yeah yeah

“I know that I can’t do this anymore.  I can’t live like this anymore.”

“Hilde. Babe.” His voice cracked, his heart was breaking.  And suddenly she realized that she was doing this all wrong.  She had wanted to come and tell him that they didn’t have to do this anymore.  They didn’t have to pretend.  They didn’t have to hurt anymore.  But instead she was hurting him more.  He thought she was rejecting him.  His arms fell away and he began to turn from her, but then her hands shot out, clutching his left wrist as though it were a lifeline.  He stopped, angling back towards her.  Her left hand crept to his chest, over his heart, and she flushed as she suddenly realized once more that he was clad only in his trousers.  She didn’t remove her hand.

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore, Duo.” She whispered, still unable to look at him, “I love you.”

She felt his heart beat pick up, heard the shuddering breath he drew as his hand rose to cover her own.

“What did you say?” he asked in wonder.  And she wanted to look at him, really she did, but she couldn’t.

 She ducked her head further, turning toward her right shoulder, away from his scrutiny. “I love you.”

And then he was facing her and his hand was under her chin and he was drawing her face up to meet his gaze.  And when she met it he looked so happy, so tender and loving, that she nearly melted against him.  He smiled, that wonderful, adorable, breathtaking, heart-stopping, crooked little smile that made her knees go weak. For the first time in a long time, he looked alive, really alive. And then his face was moving closer to hers and his eyes were drifting closed, and she wasn’t thinking anymore, just reveling in his warmth.  And just before their lips met she heard him murmur.

“It’s about time.” 

And he didn’t have to say it, because she already knew.

He loved her.

And they would neither one ever be unfaithful.

 

 Rihanna - Unfaithful

[Intro:]
Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company
[Verse 1:]
He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I’m gone again
To him I just can't be true

[Bridge:]
And I know that he knows I’m unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dyin'

[Chorus:]
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be.... a murderer

[Verse 2:]
I feel it in the air
As I'm doin my hair
Preparing for another day
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I’m gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hangin' with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I’m about to go
And we know it very well

[Bridge:]
Cause I know that he knows I’m unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dyin'

[Chorus:]
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be.... a murderer

Our love... his trust
I might as well take a gun
And put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this... anymore

Oooohhh... anymore

[Chorus:]
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be.... a murderer

...a murderer
No no no
yeah yeah