Compassion

Chapter 5

          Izayoi stood in her Lord’s chambers uncertainly.  She wanted to be with him, truly she did.  But what did she know of being a wife?  Certainly nothing of being the mate of a powerful demon Lord.

          “Izayoi.” His voice washed over her, soothing her with its warmth.  He came to stand before her, taking her gently into his arms before putting a bit of space between them so that he could watch her face.  He seemed as uncertain as she, and that somehow reassured her.  “Demon bondings,” he began, “are unlike human marriages.  There will be no ceremony, no witnesses, and no holy man to forge our bond.” He held her gaze steadily, bringing the back of his right hand to brush gently across her cheek, “I will have to bite you,” he confessed, “and it will leave a scar.  It is my mark, to let others know that you are mine and they cannot have you.” He studied her tenderly, “It will be painful, my love.” She nodded uncertainly as he brushed his fingers over the spot between her neck and shoulder where the mark would be placed.  “That alone will not make you my mate.  That bond is forged only when a male and his claim are united physically in the most intimate of ways.” She flushed at this, but he remained unflappably calm, and that made it easier for her.  “There is... some pain involved in the loss of maidenhood as well,” he told her.  “You understand, I will have to hurt you - not once, but twice. And,” his voice became very low, “I cannot bear that thought unless I know beyond all doubt that this is what you want.”

          He continued before she could respond,

          “Inuyoukai mate for life.  The bond will not permit infidelity or absolution by either party.”  He wove his fingers into her long hair, enjoying the silken texture, “this is for life; there will be no turning back.  I do not want you to regret your choice.” The tenderness in his eyes and voice told her that he did not doubt her intentions, that he knew she would be loyal once her choice was made, but he didn’t want her to step into this blindly.  She loved him even more for his concern.

          She placed her hand over his, smiling softly as she closed her small, delicate, fingers around his long, strong ones, “I will never regret.” She promised.  “I love you.”

          He didn’t smile at her, somehow it would have broken the moment, but his gaze softened as he leaned toward her.  Just before his lips touched hers she heard him whisper, “And I you.”

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          It had been three weeks since Inutaisho had made her his mate, and yet she was still in a state of wonder.  The tenderness with which he touched her, the fiery passion in his golden eyes, that molten gold look that made her knees go weak even before his touch melted her.  It was all so familiar now, and yet intensely new each time she felt it.  She loved him more than she had thought it possible to love.  And he never let her doubt that he felt the same way.  She felt cherished, loved, wanted, needed, and she liked those feelings.

          So great was her bliss that she never imagined anything could steal that state away.

          But something could.

          And that something was Sesshoumaru.

          It had been two years since the young Lord had last deemed it necessary to step foot in his father’s castle – two years since he had last ‘lowered’ himself by entering a home in which a human resided.  Why he came now no one knew; it couldn’t have been at news of his father’s taking a mate, for that news had not yet spread.  Nevertheless, a month from their mating Sesshoumaru unexpectedly appeared on their doorstep.

          One solid sniff and he knew what his father had done.

          To say that he was displeased would be like saying that the poles are a bit chilly.  He was angry.  But Sesshoumaru did not indulge in emotion, and so he settled for being disdainful.

          He stayed for nearly a week, and in that time he and Inutaisho only spoke once that anyone knew of.  Izayoi wondered why he stayed if he found their bonding so detestable, but she hadn’t the nerve to ask.  Besides, she had the feeling she already knew.  He was trying to understand – if not the situation, at least why his father had let it come to this.  He needed to understand, because, despite his seeming lack of emotion, he was most likely hurt.  Like any child, no matter what age, he was angered that his mother was being replaced.  Izayoi wished she could tell him that loving her had not diminished Inutaisho’s love for his first wife, but she could no more talk to Sesshoumaru than she could sprout wings and fly.  It would only have made him angrier.

          His single conversation with his father came on the last day of his stay.  And Izayoi wondered if he had planned it that way, for dramatic effect if nothing else.

          They did not yell, but their conversation was charged with tension, and neither demon was willing to back down.  Both were strong-willed and confident, and Sesshoumaru had to know that he would not sway his father.  Perhaps that, more than anything else was the reason he timed this meeting to correspond with his departure - it negated the need for a real resolution of the argument.  And it was far more thought provoking for him to calmly leave in the middle of it, claiming that he had pressing matters to attend to.

          But what she had heard of the conversation would haunt Izayoi for days.

          She hadn’t meant to overhear, hadn’t wanted too, but how was she to know that he would chose this day to seek out his father?  She hadn’t been able to leave the hall before they had begun to speak, and even then she would have left, but the words she had inadvertently heard seemed to sap away her strength, leaving her slumped against the wall.  What she heard confirmed all her worst suspicions.  Sesshoumaru was hurting, and in his pain he was striking out at them both.

          “How could you mate with her?  A human child?” if Sesshoumaru had been prone to emotional displays he would have spat the word.

          “It is not your place to question me.” His father stated calmly.

          “If not my place then whose?”

          Inutaisho gazed at him steadily, “It is no one’s place to question the bonding.”

          Sesshoumaru actually growled, she could feel it trembling through the wall which now supported her.  “You dishonor the memory of my mother every time you touch her.”

          Inutaisho stood, placing his hands firmly on his desk.

          “Sesshoumaru,” he forced a calm he did not feel, Sesshoumaru was stoking his protective instincts toward his mate, and if the boy did not ease off Inutaisho could not be held responsible for his actions. “I loved your mother.  I still love your mother.” Sesshoumaru’s look clearly proclaimed that he did not believe that. “Your mother was beautiful, proud, strong.  She was everything I needed, everything I wanted, and far more than I ever dreamed I would receive.”  Izayoi ached for him, hearing how raw the pain still was, “she was my first love.  She was part of my soul.  And she will always be with me.” He relaxed just a bit, sinking back into his seat.  “But Izayoi... Izayoi is the light in my darkness.” He continued, voice softening, “she brightens my life and heals my soul.  She is like cool water after days of thirst.” He brought his gaze to focus on his son, “I love her just as much as I love your mother... but, different somehow.  Not better, not more, just different.  And that love does not diminish my feelings for your mother.  Somehow it strengthens it.” He said quietly.

          Sesshoumaru snorted.  His beautiful face twisted by a look of disgust, “You don’t love her.” He said coldly, “she is a child.  But she is a comely child –as far as humans go.” He was attempting to be understanding, Izayoi supposed, but he came across as condescending, an unwise position to take concerning his own father.  What he said next made her blood run cold, even as it caused her mate’s to boil in anger.  “You have been too long without a mate.  It is understandable that your body cries out for hers.  Once you have sated yourself, perhaps this madness will pass.” Izayoi cringed, he made her sound like a common whore.  He made his father sound like a cretin.  It was rude, it was cruel.  “At that time we can only pray that her people will take her back.”  Sesshoumaru either did not notice, or chose to ignore, the deadly calm his father had assumed. 

          Inutaisho was on the verge of cracking his own son in half, and in his present state he likely would have relished the sound.  Realizing he was dangerously close to losing it he forced himself to take calming breaths and reason with his son.  “I don’t expect you to understand, son.  But I assure you, this is not some carnal urge, some physical need that can be dealt with.” Sesshoumaru did not appear convinced. “I have already marked her.  Only death will separate us now.”

          Sesshoumaru’s eyes widened fractionally and then narrowed to mere slits.  Inutaisho could see the cords in his neck tighten as he fought not to clench his teeth.  “Fool.” He finally ground out, “I do not care to know how you came to be in this state.  I can only hope that the whore is incapable of conceiving.  Perhaps that will save our family honor.”

          Inutaisho growled warningly, but Sesshoumaru ignored him.

          “I take my leave.  Someone has to see to the safety of our lands.”  He strode away; stopping only briefly to give a parting comment. “May whatever powers govern this life restore to you your right mind.  For perhaps then our house can be redeemed.”

          Izayoi felt sick as she watched him leave.

          That he would consider mental illness less disgraceful then willingly binding oneself to a human weighed heavily on her.

          How could he hold her in such contempt?

          He had never even spoken to her.

          Inutaisho came out to his mate, taking her in his arms and smoothing her hair, as much to calm himself as to comfort her.  Izayoi clung to him desperately, praying that she would never have to face Sesshoumaru again.

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          After his son’s departure Inutaisho’s mood seemed to lighten considerably.  But it took some time – and quite a bit of whispered comfort from her mate - for Izayoi to return to her previous joyfulness.

          What truly made the difference was that Inutaisho did not seem at all shaken by his son’s disapproval, or his accusations.  He was supremely confident that he had made the right decision.  He did not regret taking her to mate.  That alone kept her from weeping with despair on the long, dark nights.

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          Izayoi was blissfully happy.

          She was carrying a child.  Inutaisho’s child – their child.  She smoothed her hand over her still-flat stomach and smiled.

          He had told her last night, in bed.  Snuggled up against her, nuzzling her ear, he had whispered those life changing words to her.  She could hardly believe it, but she trusted her mate’s acute sense of smell.  She was pregnant.  

          Izayoi had never known her mother, she had died giving birth to her, but she wasn’t afraid of being a poor parent.  Inutaisho would help her, he would guide her.  Their child would be someone to be proud of.

          She smiled down at her stomach and then gasped.  She had felt something move.

          It was far too soon, she was certain.  Even if she had been pregnant for several weeks she should not have been able to feel the child.  Her stomach was still flat, which meant the baby could not be very large.  And she had only found out last night!  But her child was half youkai – perhaps this was to be expected.  She would have to ask her mate that night.  Bemusedly she wondered what other oddities would occur during her pregnancy.

          Human children took about nine lunar cycles to reach birth.  Youkai took far less.  But a hanyou?  How long would a hanyou grow within its mother?  Would Inutaisho know?  After all, there were very few hanyou births.  There was too much distrust, too much fear between the races for it to be otherwise.  She thought with sudden fear that perhaps no one would be able to prepare her for the task that lay ahead.  Taking calming breaths she reminded herself that her husband was a wise and experienced man.  She was in safe hands.

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          Had Izayoi known how difficult her pregnancy would be, and how painful the birthing process, she might never have allowed Inutaisho to touch her.  It was doubtful though... she fully intended to continue to let him touch her even after this... but not for quite some time.  She was immensely grateful that she had only had to endure seven months of pregnancy, and even more grateful that Inutaisho had managed to find a healer with experience in hanyou birthing.  She was not certain she could have survived without the kindly old demoness. 

          As it was she endured three hours of excruciating pain before her eager son was brought into the world.  Inutaisho remained by her side throughout the process, holding her hand and whispering comfort to her.  When their son was born the look of pride on his face, the look of love, made everything worthwhile.  Though weary she refused to sleep until she had seen him and made certain he was all there.

          And he was.

          He was a vision of infant perfection.  Not red faced or blotchy like many human children, but smooth and cream colored.  Wispy white locks framed his face, and his tiny fingers and toes already bore equally tiny claws.  His eyes were tightly shut, so she could not see if they resembled hers or his father’s, but she had a feeling they would be intense amber, just like Inutaisho’s.  What surprised her most were his ears. They were neither rounded like a human's, nor elegantly pointed like those of a demon.  Indeed, they were not even traditionally placed.  For instead of skin covered ears on the sides of his head, carefully aligned with his eyes, the infant had small dog like ears atop his head, already covered with a fine white fur.  Already they struggled to swivel toward the slightest sound.

          Izayoi thought it was the most adorable thing she had ever seen.

          When she was satisfied that all was well, Inutaisho took the child from her and urged her to rest.  She noticed, however, just before she closed her eyes, that he did not hand their son to the healer or the servants, but stood staring at him in wonder.  With a weary smile Izayoi fell into sleep.

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Notes: I don’t know if Inuyasha ever knew his father – but for the purposes of this story (especially concerning Sesshoumaru) it works better for me if he did... so he does...

VOCAB:

          Hime – princess

          Taiyoukai – demon Lord

          Youkai – demon

          Inu – dog

          Hanyou – half demon

          Shoji – in Japanese architecture: the portion of the wall that slides back to serve as a door.