Labyrinth

 

Chapter 13: If Not My Right Then Whose?

 

“And whose choice is it, Inuyasha?” the bitter tinge of skepticism colored the question as she watched him, daring him to answer.  But it was not Inuyasha who spoke next.

“Mine.” The voice, cold and calm, chilled her to her very core.

“Sesshoumaru.” Inuyasha spat the word, his tone pure venom.  He whirled from Kagome his whole body tensing.  Kagome could practically see the adrenaline coursing through him as his pulse throbbed in his neck.

“Inuyasha…” she wanted to cling to him.  He was safe because she knew he wouldn’t hurt her - not physically.  Somehow she knew he would never allow any harm to come to her if he could help it.  She might not be convinced that he loved her, but no one who looked at her as he did could bear to see her injured, that she knew.  She forced herself to back toward Souta, sheltering him from the gaze of the regal youkai who had appeared in the room without warning.

“Inuyasha.” The demon observed coolly.  Though she was frightened Kagome could not help but admire him. He was tall and slender, even pale, but toned and clearly strong.  His silver hair was long, falling to his knees, and his eyes were gold though they were as cold as Inuyasha’s were fiery.  His presence was commanding, nearly overwhelming, and Kagome suddenly remembered what the old bird had said about his feelings toward humans.

Inuyasha shifted into a more protective stance between the new arrival and Kagome, his hand going to the sword at his side.  Strange, Kagome had hardly noticed the sword before now.

“You would fight me, Inuyasha?” the older demon looked faintly amused and Kagome shuddered.

“You aren’t going to touch her.”

A silver brow arched upward, “Did I imply that I wished to?” though Kagome couldn’t really say that his inflection changed Sesshoumaru somehow managed to convey in those few words a wealth of things, the foremost being that she wasn’t worth his effort.  She felt vaguely affronted.  She might not be gorgeous, but she wasn’t repulsive or anything.  He made it sound as though she were a disease.

Inuyasha unsheathed his sword in a fluid motion.  Kagome was surprised to see that the sword was old and battered.  It couldn’t possibly still have enough of an edge to cut anything.  And then there was a flare of energy and it had transformed into a sword so large Kagome couldn’t believe even Inuyasha could lift it.

Sesshoumaru seemed vaguely amused. “Have you forgotten who taught you to fight, half-breed?”

“Shut up!” Inuyasha lunged toward him, bring the sword down in a stroke that surely would have cleft Sesshoumaru in two… had he still been standing there.  But faster than Kagome could blink the demon was gone and had reappeared behind Inuyasha.

“Inuyasha look-”

 Inuyasha turned and leapt away before Kagome could finish the warning, just missing the sweep of Sesshoumaru’s claws.

“Is she worth dying for Inuyasha?”

“I ain’t gonna die!” Inuyasha was running forward again.  This time Sesshoumaru did not attempt to elude him.  Rather, drew his own sword as the goblin king approached.  Blade clashed against blade and the brothers slid across the room on the polished floor.  As Inuyasha flew past Kagome he shouted to her.

“Get out of the way!”

Kagome grabbed Souta, who was still disturbingly unresponsive, and dove for the far corner of the room.  There she pulled him down into her lap and watched the battle with growing horror.

Inuyasha was strong and fast, but Sesshoumaru met him blow for blow, stroke for stroke.

Inuyasha could hardly think through the red haze of anger that surrounded him.  Sesshoumaru had done nothing but torment him his entire life.  Inuyasha had become accustomed to that.  It didn’t bother him; it was simply the way things were.  But Sesshoumaru had no right to interfere with Kagome, no right to put her in danger.   Though he was trying to concentrate on the battle he could not help but think of her.  She was so good, so kind, so… so different form anyone he had ever known.  She didn’t deserve this, she deserved to be taken care of as she had cared for so many others.

He knew her.  So much better than she thought.  He had been watching her, through his crystal ball.  It was all part of his brother’s plan.  The ball would show him anything he wanted to see, provided it was within the Labyrinth or the human world.  For centuries it had infuriated Inuyasha.   He had no interest in humans.  Humans were weak and to be despised.  Still, when boredom had overcome him he had occasionally sat and observed them through the ball.

It was in one such fit of boredom that he had first encountered Kagome.

Inuyasha had watched many humans over the centuries and none had caught his interest.  They struck him as senseless, cruel, and weak.  Not that youkai could not also be cruel, Sesshoumaru was evidence enough of that. The thing that really bothered him was that humans professed to be kind.  They droned on and on about taking care of those less fortunate and abstract concepts like equality, but they didn’t live what they preached.  At least demons had no illusions about what they were – they were built to kill.  Which wasn’t to say that all demons killed all the time, or even that all demons were evil or bad.  His father had been good and just by even the strictest of standards, but he had still killed in battle or as punishment.  The thing was, he didn’t try to run from that fact, he accepted it.  Humans couldn’t seem to reconcile their noble and baser sides.  Humans attempted to hide what they really were, demons had no pretense.

It was weakness and it disgusted him.

Which was, ironically, what had led him to reject his human heritage in the first place.  Which was what had gotten him stuck here, observing the beings he most detested.

And it was also what had led him to Kagome.

The first time she had passed into his vision had been a little over two years before.  She had been walking to school, though he hadn’t known that at the time.  A soccer ball had shot out toward her, hitting her in the legs so hard she stumbled and nearly toppled backwards.  As she righted herself and reached down for the ball a woman hurried up to her, bowing apologetically, as though afraid the mere slip of a girl would lash out at her.  Inuyasha soon understood the reason for her concern.  Behind her, clinging to her legs, was a small boy.  This was clearly the culprit.  This was not uncommon, children were not known for caution.  What made this particular incident special was that the child was horribly deformed.  Inuyasha could see it even though the boy’s face was pressed to his mother’s legs.  It was in his stance, the way he carried himself, the gangly-ness of his arms and legs, the way the sinews and tendons stood out strangely twisted and turned.  His face was scarred and misshapen.  He was probably the victim of a horrible accident, but Inuyasha knew he would be treated like a monster for the rest of his life.  Humans lashed out at anyone who was different, especially if that difference made them “ugly”.

Humans didn’t like to be uncomfortable, and there were so many things that made them feel that way. 

Inuyasha had known what to expect.  Humans hated anyone who was different.  They had hated him after all.  The girl’s face would turn in pity and then disgust.  Reminded of her own frailty she would make a sharp retort or rebuke and walk away.  He had started to turn away, but what she did next so shocked him that he froze mid-turn and just watched.

Kagome was smiling.  Not that false, forced, smile that didn’t quite reach the eyes that humans so often used when they were pretending to be kind.  It was a true, sincere smile.  Her eyes held no pity, no pain, no malice, just a warm understanding.  She bent gently and slowly as though fearing she would frighten the boy and held out the soccer ball.  Inuyasha could see her speak a few words to him and the boy shyly stepped out from behind his mother.  The girl encouraged him to take the ball but once he had she did not immediately retreat.  Instead she knelt so that she was eye level with him and lifted her hands, palm up, toward him.  She allowed him to observe her a moment before she bowed and then offered her hand.  After a few more coaxing words he took it shyly.

Her smile widened to a full blown grin and soon she had the boy grinning too.  The mother looked so relieved Inuyasha could almost smell it.

He was lost.  Completely confused.

In all his years of observation he had never seen a human behave in such a way.  Could it be she was different from other humans who judged only be appearances and hated those who were different.

Could she be different than the family of his mother, who had scorned him and disowned him for something that he had no control over?  His mother had been the only human who had ever loved him- the only human he had ever known who accepted life as it was and didn’t try to change it or hide from it.  Could Kagome be like her?

He had to find out.

And so he had watched her, sometimes for days on end without stopping to rest.  She puzzled him; she drew him – like a moth to flame only he didn’t think her warmth was the kind that burned.

She had proved again and again that she was different from anyone he had ever met, from anyone he had ever seen.  She could have a temper and she wasn’t always sweet, but overall she was incredibly kind and unselfish.  After that first day she had gone back to see the little boy in the park at least once a week until the day he had moved away to go to a special treatment hospital.  She had hugged him goodbye, and given him a toy to remember her by.

By the time the next school year started watching her had become a daily routine, Inuyasha felt that he was almost a part of her life, even though he couldn’t touch her or talk to her.  He knew her inside and out, better than any of her friends did.  But it wasn’t until she had met Hojo that he had realized how much she meant to him.

The first time the human boy had asked her out he had been so angry he had shattered the goblet he had been holding.

It was a very childish reaction, he knew, not at all becoming of a being over six centuries old.  But that didn’t stop him form feeling angry and betrayed.  It had stopped him short.  He had never felt this kind of anger before.  It hadn’t abated even when she had politely turned the boy down. At that point Inuyasha had become obsessed with the ball, foregoing sleep and meals to sit and watch her.  Whenever the boy, Hojo, was near her he seethed with barely contained fury. There was a little hurt mixed in as well, and this confused him until he realized with a start that he was jealous.

It was ridiculous.  What right did he have to be jealous?  She wasn’t his – she didn’t even know he existed!

And yet, there it was.  He was jealous of a stupid human brat that she wasn’t even interested in.

And since he wasn’t getting anything out of the whole deal except frustration Inuyasha came to the only logical conclusion – he had fallen in love with Kagome.

That had to be the reason he felt this way.  It had to be the reason he longed to see her smile, wanted to see her happy, yet felt so hurt when that happiness was caused by others.  It was the only explanation for the way his heart felt rent in two each time she cried, and how he longed to hold her when she was sad, comfort her when she was afraid.

There was just no other answer.

Even a lowly hanyou who had never even had a friend could recognize that.

He began to become aware of his own physical reactions to Kagome.  He had had them for some time, but he hadn’t realized what they meant.

When he saw her his pulse quickened, his breathing became shallower, he could feel his skin heat and his stomach flip strangely.  He found her attractive.

If he loved her for who she was and he found her physically attractive… he was definitely in trouble.

It was so stupid.  He shouldn’t have let himself, he could never be with her, never even meet her, and yet how could he have built defenses against something he hadn’t known was a danger?  He had never known love, except the love of his mother, so how was he supposed to know he could fall in love?

But he had.

And once he had come to accept this fact life had become nearly unbearable.  He was trapped here, there was no hope.  And, really, why would she want anything to do with him if they could meet?  A scarred child and a half-breed were two very different things.  Inuyasha tried to reconcile himself to a love forever unrequited, but it just wasn’t in his nature.  So he had vowed to stay away from the crystal ball and the images it could bring to him forever.  It would be easier to turn away now and wish her happiness in life.

This resolve had lasted about a day.

It was more torture not to see her at all than to watch her from a distance.  So Inuyasha had resumed his vigil, though at times the desire to actually meet her was so strong it was a physical pain.  He knew he was becoming obsessive, but nothing would ever come of it, so what was the harm?  The only person he could hurt was himself.

And then, one day, he fell asleep on his stone throne, watching Kagome play with her little brother, and he awoke with a start.

There was something very wrong, he knew that before he even opened his eyes.  The sounds were wrong, the smells were wrong, the very air felt wrong.  He didn’t appear to be in any danger though, so he slowly peeled his eyes open to find himself in a completely foreign setting.  The room around him was decorated in soft pinks, and the furniture beneath him was equally soft in feel.  The smell that surrounded him seemed feminine and oddly comforting – he inhaled deeply and felt himself relax.  And then his eyes fell on the crowded desk to the left of the bed and he stiffened.  He knew this place.

This was Kagome’s room.

He was convinced that he was dreaming.

This conviction lasted about ten seconds, until he heard the unmistakable scuffle of feet on stairs, and the sweet voice of Kagome drifted to him.

What had been a guilty but harmless pleasure had suddenly become very dangerous.

Inuyasha felt his body react to her nearness.  He wanted to touch her, to hold her.  He was aching with the desire.

But he couldn’t.  She didn’t even know he existed. He had to get away before she found him here.  There was no telling how she would react to the sight of a strange man lying on her bed.   

He heard her reach for the handle and then she had opened it and her room had been empty. Inuyasha had fled to the rooftop, leaving her window open and the curtain fluttering in the gentle breeze.

Kagome cocked her head as she looked at the curtain.

“I could have sworn I closed that.” She shrugged. “oh well.” And then she moved to the window, peering out and down, but miraculously not upward, before pulling inside and closing it firmly.

Inuyasha thought he would die the relief was so overwhelming.  Until he realized that he had no idea how he had come to be here, and no idea how to get back home.  He had never thought he would want to go back to that prison once he had gotten out, but this was not his world, he had no idea how to survive here.

Fortunately getting back had been a simpler task than he had feared.  Inuyasha soon discovered that he could transport himself between worlds at will, provided he wished to be transported near Kagome or back to his castle.  In his mind he frantically searched for a clause in Sesshoumaru’s spell that would account for this oddity.  Unfortunately he could not recall it, though he was fairly certain it had something to do with reconciling himself to his humanity.  Whatever it was Inuyasha soon lost interest in it as he became caught up in the joy of being able to be near Kagome.  True he couldn’t touch her or let her see him, but now he could smell her, sense her, he felt close to her.

Sometimes he would watch her, other times he would take himself to her room when he knew she would be out and just wrap himself in her scent and her presence.

For the first time in his life he felt truly content.

It wasn’t long before he decided that he needed to give something back to her.  He couldn’t do much, because he didn’t want her to get suspicious, but the small things he could do he did.  More than one morning Kagome searched frantically through her backpack for homework and come to the sad conclusion that she had forgotten it at home, only to turn and see it sitting atop the haphazard pile of books and papers on her desk. At first it caused her a great deal of confusion, but soon she just accepted it with her usual cheerful easiness.

Inuyasha had begun to do more things as well, though she never knew.  He had never done anything blatantly obvious until the night he had whisked away her brother.

He still didn’t know why he had done it.  And he certainly didn’t know why he had revealed himself to her after.

Maybe it was because it was the first time he had ever seen her so upset.  But he had just wanted to make everything better.  And then she had seemed upset at him and he had nearly lost it.  Didn’t she know that everything he did was for her?  It had been for a long time now.  He lived to see her face, to breathe her scent.  He would have been angry with her for not knowing if she hadn’t been so soft, and real, and there.  And he could finally talk to her, finally touch her.  And she hadn’t been repulsed, only sweetly confused and adorably upset.   And he loved her so much.

Inuyasha was drawn from his thoughts by the clank of metal on metal.  He looked up to find Sesshoumaru staring at him knowingly.

“Have you learned?  Are you willing to admit it?”

“Admit what you arrogant jerk!?” Inuyasha advanced once more.

“Do you still not understand?” It was infuriating that Sesshoumaru could be so calm in the middle of a fight like this.  Sesshoumaru leaned close to him, “This is what you are.” And in the space of a breath he had pulled away and Inuyasha stumbled in confusion before turning to see Sesshoumaru standing calmly to the side, sheathing his blade.

“This emotion, this passion.” Sesshoumaru was observing him coolly, “this intensity that burns within you.  You can harness it, if you will only embrace it.  It can make you stronger, why do you allow it to make you weaker?”

And Inuyasha could only look at him.  Inuyasha could have sworn that Sesshoumaru almost sighed.  Then he unsheathed his blade once more.  Inuyasha readied himself, but Sesshoumaru turned the opposite direction.

“Prepare, Inuyasha.” And then he was flying toward Kagome and Inuyasha didn’t even have time to think.  With a speed he hadn’t known he possessed he crossed the room and placed himself between Sesshoumaru and Kagome.  Kagome flinched and ducked her head, pulling Souta closer as Sesshoumaru’s claws and then sword swung toward Inuyasha. Inuyasha ignored the claws, allowing them to pierce his right arm, his eyes were focused on the blade descending toward Kagome.  He brought up his sword with his left hand and Sesshoumaru’s blade impacted and went flying out of his hand and across the room.

“Now do you see?” Sesshoumaru remained unmoved, staring into Inuyasha’s eyes.

  And Inuyasha finally understood.  The lesson Sesshoumaru had wanted him to learn, the thing he needed to do to free himself.  It was his refusal to accept who he truly was.  That very thing for which he abhorred humanity – it was that which his brother abhorred in him.  Inuyasha wasn’t a full demon, he was half human.  He couldn’t change that, but he shouldn’t ignore it either.  If he refused to acknowledge his human half then he cast away half his strength.  He was what he was, it had not been his choice, but he could make it his gift or his curse, and he had chosen to make it his curse.  He had always longed for the cool implacability of his father and brother.  He had even fought his love for Kagome, seeing it as weakness. But his human blood made that impossible.  A human soul brought with it human emotions.  But those emotions didn’t have to cripple him.  They could empower him.

Sesshoumaru calmly walked to his blade, retrieving it and returning it to its place at his hip.

“Kagome.” Inuyasha dropped to his knees before her. She heard him even though he could barely hear himself, and her gaze locked with his.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered sliding his right hand along her cheek and up into her hair behind her ear, cradling it.

Her gaze moved to the blood on his sleeve and she reached up to push it back in panic, but he caught her hand.

He shook his head, bringing her hand into his lap. “It’s already healed.”

She watched him for a long moment before nodding.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated softly.

“For what?”

He gave the faintest of smiles.  Always unconcerned for herself, even now. He wondered that he had ever thought she would really wish her brother gone.  He knew her better than to believe her to truly be that selfish.  She had only been angry.  

“For all of this.  I never meant for it to happen.”

She sighed, covering his hand in her hair with her own.  “I know.  I can see that now.” And she could.  He had risked his life for her; he could just as easily have let her die.  Thinking back she could see his hand in things that had happened to her in the Labyrinth.  Even when he had had her arrested he had only been trying to protect her.

“I love you.” He whispered, his face very close to hers. “And I want you to be happy,” he swallowed, resting his forehead against hers, “even if it means I’ll never see you again.

“I know.” It was all she could think to say.  She couldn’t say that she loved him, she didn’t know him.  But she had a feeling that she could love him if she was given the chance. It would be so easy…  She slid her head down to rest on his shoulder and he buried his face in her neck.  Souta lay forgotten between them, his head on his sister’s lap.  Inuyasha slowly slid his arms around Kagome, pulling her to him and for the first time in his life he made no attempt to curb the emotions rising within him, he embraced them wholeheartedly.

The cold, smooth voice of Sesshoumaru filled the room, “It would seem that you have learned your lesson at last, Inuyasha.”

Inuyasha and Kagome both looked up in surprise and then Kagome was fading and Inuyasha was left clutching at air and nothing.

“I have returned the girl and her brother to their own world.” Sesshoumaru informed Inuyasha before he could ask.

Inuyasha clenched his fist so hard it bled, the sharp tang of copper filling the air.  His head was bowed; face half shadowed by his unruly white bangs.  He had risen to one knee.

“You had no right-”

Sesshoumaru coolly interrupted, “If not my right then whose?”