Andrea and Brian's Crazy Cross Over Anime

CH. 9 : THE ULTIMATE WEAPON AND THE SEARCH FOR THE AUTHORESS

           [A/N: Sorry the last few chapters have been so tame.  Still weird, but not very crazy.  It was necessary, but don’t worry!  For the last two chapters craziness will rule the world!]

           “What are we gonna do?” Yugi wailed, “There are just too many of them!”

           “We can do it! We just have to believe in ourselves!” Takuya, err Agunimon, no wait - didn't I say he was Burning Greymon now? - whatever! said firmly.

           “Oh, shut up!” Yami Bakura snapped.

           Takuya did, but not because Yami Bakura told him to.  He did it because at that moment they heard something terrifying.

           “Ready! Aim! Fire!” The demon leader called out.  The demons had unleashed their ultimate weapon.

           “Oh, yuck!” Misty held her arms out to her sides, pulling at the stringy substance now coating her.

           “You’re telling me.” Yami agreed, “I’ll never get this out of my hair.”  He too pulled at the white, stringy substance. 

           It was melted mozzarella cheese.

           They were all covered in it.  It wasn’t hot or anything, just…

           “Eew.” Keiko wrinkled her nose, “Disgusting.”

           “What is this?” Yukina asked.

           Kurama sniffed cautiously, “Cheese.  Mozzarella to be precise.”

           Li rolled his eyes, “Cheese? This is getting ridiculous.”

           “I agree.  What we need to do is take them out now.” Yusuke said.

           “What we need is some serious fire power.” Bakura put in.  As he hadn’t been really involved in the conflict he had had plenty of time to observe it.  It seemed to him that the existing demons somehow created the new ones rather than call for them.  He figured if they could take the demons out all at once that might work.

           “What do you suggest?” Yami Bakura snapped. 

           “A tank would be nice.” Ash mumbled. 

           Shizeru arched a brow, “And just where are we supposed to find a tank?”  Suddenly a tank appeared beside them. 

           “There’s one.” Lan pointed. (a tank!? What? *The author rapidly searches through her notes* I don’t remember that being in the script.  Oh well.) 

           “Um, so who knows how to use a tank?” Keiko asked. Everyone stared blankly. She gulped, “No one?”

           Seeing that no one else was going to move Kenshin climbed up into the tank, took aim, and fired (don’t ask me how Kenshin knew how to use a tank – I didn’t think they had tanks in the Meiji era, but whatever.  Not like I’m the one writing this or anything.  Oh wait… I am? Oops!)  It was a perfect shot. 

           “Go Kenshin!” Botan whooped, jumping up in the air and pumping an arm in a victory motion. “That’s the way!” 

           “Botan!?” Yusuke was upset, she was never that happy when he blew things up.

           “Shut up, Yusuke!” Botan ordered, so he did.

           Kenshin was still in the tank happily blowing things up. (Things being demons) when he remembered that he wasn’t supposed to kill anyone anymore.

           “Oh NO!” He jumped out of the tank.  “What have I done!”

           “What’s wrong with him?” Yami asked Kurama, Kurama shrugged.

          “I made a vow never to kill again!” Kenshin wailed, “I broke my vow.  I’m worthless.”  He dropped to his knees. (O.O wow, that was way OOC)

           Hiei eyed him as though he were from another world (which, in fact, he was!) “Is that all?” he sneered, “pathetic.”

           “It’s alright!” Yugi said, coming over and patting Kenshin on the back. “I loaded the tank with smoke bombs! No one died!”

           “Yugi.” Yami said slowly.

           “Yes Yami?” Yugi was grinning from ear to ear.

           “Where did you get smoke bombs?” his yami asked.

           “Better yet, how did he load the bloody tank!?” Bakura exclaimed.  It was a good question.  I mean, the tank hadn’t been there for long before Kenshin hopped in, and Yugi was awful short.

           Yugi shrugged, “Beats me ^__^ Ask the author!”  The characters looked at the author expectantly. 

           “I don’t know!” the author was exasperated, “Because I said so!”

           “Oh.” The characters looked uneasy, “Alright then…”

           “But I think it’s out now.” Yugi frowned, “Only real cartridges left.”

           Yami Bakura grinned maniacally, “Yipee! Death and destruction!”  He hoped into the tank in a single bound and began blasting demons to pieces.

           Everyone sweat dropped, “Umm, does that worry anyone else?” Bakura asked.  Everyone nodded.

           Fortunately, by the time all the demons were gone Yami Bakura was out of shells.

           “RATS!” Yami Bakura jumped down and crossed his arms, pouting.  He leaned against the tank.  Then he noticed everyone staring at him.  “WHAT!?” he snapped.  They all jerked their heads away.

           “Nothing.” Was the collective response.

           Yami Bakura just snarled and leaned more heavily on the tank.

           And that’s when the author removed it.

           *BLINK* (that was the tank being removed, FYI)

           Yami Bakura stumbled as his support disappeared.  “Hey! I was using that!” He growled at the author.   The author stuck out her tongue.

           The other characters laughed, but quickly stopped when Yami Bakura sent them death glares.

           “Hey! That gives me an idea!” Kurama snapped his fingers.

           “What?” Yami asked.

           “Well, now that the demons are gone, we can focus on getting you all home.” Kurama said.

           “Yeah, so?” Ash recalled all of his pokemon, they were really tired, and he missed Pikachu.

           “Well, when the author made the tank disappear,” Yami Bakura growled menacingly, “it made me think of something.” Kurama continued.

           “You said that already.” Li pointed out.

           Kurama ignored him, “It’s been in front of our faces all along.”  (<uh, oh!> the author quietly snuck out of the fiction, glancing warily over her shoulder to make sure no one saw her.)

           “Oh, has it?” Yusuke asked.

           Kurama nodded, “Yes, it’s…” he paused for dramatic effect, “the authoress!”

           “Of course! It’s obvious!” Yami exclaimed.  “After all, she brought us all here.”

           The author wanted to protest that she hadn’t done all of it.  Some of it just kinda happened.  But… she was hiding.

           “So, what do we do?” Yusuke asked.

           “It’s quite simple.  All we have to do is ask the authoress to send them all home.” Kurama shrugged.

           “THAT’S IT!?” Yusuke yelled, “That’s it! And we’ve spent ALL this TIME!”

           “Relax buddy, that’s just not healthy.” Takuya was his human self again.

           Yusuke drew in a deep breath.  “So ask already.” He ground out.

           Kurama smiled, “I would.  But – the authoress seems to have disappeared.”  The others braced themselves.

           “WHAT!?!?!?!?!” Yusuke roared.  Even Yami Bakura and Hiei flinched, but not Kurama.  He just stood there impassively, his hands loosely clasped behind his back.

           “Yes, I’m afraid so.”

           “Great, now what?” Yusuke was deflated, he had so been hoping…

           “Well, I guess we go find her.” Takuya said.

           “Hey, Megaman, does this make any sense to you?” Lan whispered, Megaman nodded slowly.

           “Uh, yeah, sure.” He didn’t sound too confident.

           “Good, then you can tell me later.”

            “Hey, what’s this?” Misty leaned down and picked up a piece of paper.  It was a note.  She read it out loud, “If you want to find me, climb the mountain.”  She looked around at the forest and the low hills surrounding it.  “What mountain?  There aren’t any mountains.”

           Suddenly the paper freed itself from her grasp and formed a finger pointing at a mountain that was slowly rising in the distance.

           “Oh, that mountain.” She said brightly.

           The others face faulted.

           Standing and brushing herself off, Keiko eyed it uncertainly.  “That looks really far.”

           “Don’t worry!” Sakura piped up.  “Now that you know about our magic, Li and I can get us there in no time!”  She took off her necklace and it began floating between her open palms.  “Oh key of the star, with powers burning bright – reveal the staff, and shine your light!” (okay, yeah, not quite sure how that goes, but it’s close enough. If you know, let me know and I might change it ^__^)

           The staff was revealed and, with Li’s help, Sakura managed to form a kind of magical transporter.

           “Now I tell it where we want to go and…” They disappeared from the forest floor and reappeared at the base of the mountain.

           “Well, that’s funny.” Sakura scratched her head, “I was certain I told it to take us to the top.  Oh well,” she shrugged, “Guess I’ll try again.”  She closed her eyes and sent a command, Li added a little of his own magic – just in case. (Tt. As if I would make it that easy.  Ha!)  They all glowed, but nothing happened.  Sakura opened her eyes to the same familiar surroundings.  “Hoe?”

           “Why are we still here?” Ash asked.

           Kenshin stood and walked over to a sign nearby.  He wiped away the plant life and studied it, then tapped it. “It may have something to do with this.”

          “Let me see that.” Yusuke stormed over.  He squinted and read the sign.

           No Magical Travel permitted beyond this point – by order of the author.  It stated in bold letters.

           “WHAT!?” Yusuke yelled, “No magical travel! You mean we hafta walk all that way?”

           “That’s right.”

           Ash jumped, “Did the sign just talk?”  He asked, nervously.

           Misty nodded.

           “No magical travel, you’ll have to walk, so there.” The sign formed a face and stuck it’s tongue out at Yusuke.

           “Why you-” Yusuke tried to attack it but Bakura and Kenshin held him back. 

           “I’m not sure that would be wise.” Bakura was straining to hold Yusuke.

           “It is not wise, that it is not.” Kenshin agreed.

           “Grrrr- LET ME GO!” Yusuke struggled even more, but they wouldn’t release him.

           “Quite your whining and walk.” Yami Bakura told him.

           Kurama walked up to the sign.  “Excuse me?” he asked politely.  The sign pulled its tongue back in.  It liked this guy ^_^  “Do you know where we might find the authoress?”

           “Up the weathered mountain road, past the house of brother Toad.” The sign answered in a mysterious, low, quiet tone.

           “What is this, Alice in Wonderland?” Shizeru muttered.

           “Or Snow White.” Yugi said.  Shizeru rolled her eyes.

           “What does that mean?” Kuwabara asked.

           “It’s a riddle, dimwit.” Hiei told him.

           “Uh, I don’t get it.” Kuwabara looked around dumbly.  The sign sighed.

           “Look,” it said in a normal voice, “you take the main road over there,” it pointed, “all the way up till you get to a blue house with a mushroom sign over the door.  Then hang a left and you’re there. Good grief – you’re such an idiot.” The sign became a normal sign once more.

           They all stared at it in disbelief.

           “Um,” Bakura leaned closer to it, “sign? Madam sign?” he poked at the sign, then knocked on it, but nothing happened.

           “Well, I guess we’d better get going.” Kurama said.  They all stood to follow.   

           “This trip bites.” Yusuke grumbled as he walked away.

 ***

           “Are we there yet?”

           “No.”

           …

           …

           “Are we there yet?”

           “No.”

           …

 

                 “Are we there yet?”

           =_=  “No!”

           “Are we-”

           “GRRRR! I SAID NO!!!!!!”  :@ 

           …O.O “Geez, it was just a question.”

 (aw, come on, I had to put that in somewhere, it’s such a long trip.)

 ***

          “And to your right you’ll see the famous stone tower of Orthanc – we got it on loan from New Line Cinemas.  And if you’ll look to your left you’ll see the not so famous front yard of Mr. Johnson, my next door neighbor.  And up ahead…”

           -_-u Yusuke leaned in toward Kurama, “When did we pick up the tour guide?” he asked quietly.

           Kurama shrugged, but (if you ask me) he looked a little scared.

           “Ummmm...” Takuya backed away from the insane tour guide, who was now showing them rocks.

           “You said it.” Muttered Li.

           “Oh, come on! I think it’s great!” ^__^ Sakura skipped along.

           =_=u “Ookay.”

 ***

          They had finally lost the annoying tour guide and now they were well on their way up the mountain.  Sakura was humming, which was bugging pretty much everybody. 

           “Will you SHUT UP!” Yusuke snapped.  Sakura pulled back.

           “Um, sorry.” She held on to Li’s arm.  He glared at Yusuke but the truth was he was happy (Sakura was touching him- and she had stopped singing! Hooray!)

           It was at this point that Yusuke ran into Hiei, nearly toppling them both.

           “Hey! Watch where you’re going!” Hiei didn’t respond, which was umm… odd.  Yusuke leaned to look around him, “What’s the hold up?”

           Yue pointed.  Marching past them was a line of small creatures that looked suspiciously like bricks.

           -_-u “What are those?” Yusuke sweat dropped.

           “They appear to be walking bricks.” Kurama said calmly.

           “They are strange, that they are.” Kenshin nodded.

           “Umm, yeah,” Yusuke eyed him curiously, “so are you.” He muttered under his breath.

           “We could have used those in ancient Egypt,” Yami Bakura eyed Yami with contempt, “the pyramids could have built themselves.”

           Yami chose to ignore him.

           “Hey,” Sakura leaned closer, “Aren’t those goombas?” She asked.

           “Goombas?” Ash echoed.

           She nodded, “Yeah, they’re enemies on this cheesy game.”  The all turned to look at her.  She stepped back nervously, waving her arms as if to defend herself, “Kero plays it!”

           They nodded, not quite sure they believed her.

           “Well,” Megaman said, after observing the creatures for several moments, “They don’t appear to be interested in attacking us, and they are rather small.  Why don’t we step over them?”

          They all agreed to this plan, but just as they were about to cross the path a new line of strange creatures began to pass by.  And these would be more difficult to avoid, as they were flying.

           “Flying turtles?” Yusuke groaned, “this is unbelievable!”

           “Ohh! They’re koopa troopas!” Sakura gushed happily, then blushed when the others stared at her, “What?”  Li shook his head.

           “Well, I guess we’ll just have to wait.” Yukina smiled.

           “I hate waiting.” Groused Takuya.  The others most heartily agreed.

 ***

            CAUTION! BEWARE OF ELECTRIC POTATOES!

           “Electric potatoes?” Misty asked.

           Yusuke snorted and kicked at the base of the sign, “Get real.”

           “Who would leave electric potatoes lying around a forest?” Bakura asked.

           “Who would have electric potatoes at all?” Li said.

           “Well, whatever, I’m going in.” Yusuke marched past the sign and into the small clearing.  “Potatoes,” he muttered, “all I see are these little green plants.”  He kicked at one, and jumped back… He had been SHOCKED! (literally, like *ZAP*)

           “What the - ?!?!” He rubbed his head - that had not been fun.

           “Hmm,” Kurama leaned down to observe the plants more closely.  “They appear to be potato plants.” He said, straightening.

           “And I guess the leaves are electric too.” Megaman added.

           Yusuke glared at the blue suited boy, “No, you think?”

           “There doesn’t seem to be a way around them.” Misty said, leaning to look to either side.

           “We’ll have to go through, that we will.” Kenshin said.

           “Okay, that’s starting to bug me.” Yusuke told him.

           “Sorry.” Kenshin smiled.

           “Can’t we just use that transportation thing again?” Takuya asked.

           “Uh, hello!” Yusuke rapped on his head, “No magic travel, remember?  Even I remember that!”

           “Oh, yeah.” Takuya blushed in embarrassment.

           “I would have expected that remark from the idiot.” Hiei snorted.

           “Shut up, Hiei.” Kuwabara glared at the fire demon.

           “The swordsman is correct, we will simply have to walk through.” Yue stated firmly.

           “Easy for you to say, you have wings.” Lan said.

           “Indeed.” Yue agreed.  Lifting Sakura he flew to the other side of the clearing.

           “Hey! Come back for the rest of us!” Yusuke yelled.  Yue did not.

           Kurama sighed, “Well, off we go then.” He began to walk through the field.

           Botan timidly followed, what she wouldn’t give for her oar right about now.  But it was ‘magic’ travel. She flinched as a plant shocked her.

    Kurama was more fortunate.  The plants bent away from him as he walked through ('cuz he can control plants duh!) And when Botan noticed this she moved closer to him, hoping to fall in his wake and be left alone by the shocking leaves.

           Yusuke groaned as he looked at the field, he picked up Keiko (much to her surprise) – no sense them all getting shocked. As he walked he entertained his own bitter thoughts.  <Did I say small clearing?>

***

           They had all made it through the potato field and were once again headed up the mountain.  Kurama figured they were three fourths of the way.

           “You’re slow.” Ash told Misty.  She made a face at him.

           “So tired!” Lan moaned.

           Megaman laughed at him, “Whimp.”

           “Shut up!” Lan snapped, “Just because you don’t get tired.”

           “Yugi, are you all right?” Yami asked, worried.  His hikari (that's a human host for an ancient spirit.  Sorry I didn't explain that earlier for you non YGO people) had awfully short legs.

           “Mm hmm.” Yugi barely nodded, concentrating on dragging his feet slowly across the ground.

           “Tired, tired, tired.” Takuya muttered in a sing song tone.  “I’m so tired.”

           “Hn.” Hiei growled.

           All in all, almost everyone was in a pretty rotten mood.

           “GRRR!  I HATE IT HERE!” Yusuke stopped moving abruptly and yelled at the sky.

           “Um, who are you yelling at?” Sakura asked.

           Yusuke ignored her.  “I HATE GOOMBAS, AND KOOPA TROOPAS, AND ELECTRIC POTATOES!”

           “WELL, I HATE YOUR YELLING!” Misty yelled at him.

           “AND I HATE WARNING SIGNS!” Takuya bellowed.

           “I HATE WALKING!” Lan said.

            “I HATE TALKING ROCKS!” Keiko shouted in frustration (don’t ask, you don’t want to know)

           “I HATE MOVING TREES!” Bakura and Yugi shouted together.

           “AND MOUNTAINS!” Li put in.

           “AND PATHS!”

           “AND TOUR GUIDES WHO COME FROM NOWHERE!”

           “YEAH, WELL I HATE EVERYTHING!” Yami Bakura yelled, louder than anyone else.  They all stopped and he looked at them, “Ha! I win.” He smiled smugly.

           “WHAT?!?!?!” they all yelled.  Soon they were all yelling back and forth about what they hated, and who hated what most.

           “And over here,” the tour guide smiled brightly, “You’ll see a group of teenage cartoon characters from various shows yelling about things they hate!  Doesn’t that look like fun?”

           “Ooooooooooo!” the tour group was amazed.

           “Yes, it certainly – OW! Hey!” The tour guide ducked as more fruit sailed past her head.  “Now where did they get those?” she wondered aloud.

           A smore (a what?!) sailed past her head.  “Oh, now this is just too much!  Wasting perfectly good chocolate like that!” she stomped a foot, “They just don’t pay me enough!” and with that she stormed off.

           “Ahhhhhh.” The tour group chorused before running for their lives.

           Candy bars, pies, fruit, and ice cream were flying everywhere.  (Where did they get all this stuff? *the author scratched her head and looked around in bewilderment.*)

           “ICE CREAM!” Hiei stopped fighting to grab some passing ice cream.  His eyes were shimmering as he happily started eating it.  He had never seen so much ice cream in his life (and I’m guessing he’s pretty old). “Hey, leave me alone!” he pouted as Yue ran into him and nearly made his ice cream fall.  Just then Megaman pegged him with a cream pie and his ice cream was covered.

           “My ice cream!” Hiei wailed, huddling up against a tree and cradling the empty bowl. (Don’t ask me why a fire demon loves ice cream so much – I can’t even find it in the anime, but it’s all over the net so I’m assuming it’s a manga thing)  His head shot up, tears filling his eyes.  “You will pay!” he said, low and menacing.  And he began chasing Megaman.

           Yukina had been watching wide eyed, but now she had had enough. “GRRRR! That’s enough!” she shouted.  They ignored her.  “I said STOP IT!” She stomped a foot angrily.  When they still ignored her she did no one would ever suspect.

           *WHACK*

           #__#

           *WHAM* *BAM* *SMACK*

           X__X    @_@  *__*

           When every person was unconscious on the forest floor Yukina calmly replaced her mallet (WHOA! Out of character! Eep- I’m scared. *the authoress cowers in fear of the mighty Yukina* <remind me not to piss her off>)

           She smiled sweetly, “There now, much better.” ^__^

           “Excuse me?” Link (LINK!? Wait, he’s not anime is he?  At least not technically.  Well…maybe… oh well.) popped his head into the fiction, “Could anyone tell me how to get to Termina from here? I think I took a wrong turn.”

           The entire party turned as one, “GET OUT!” They shouted angrily  And a very surprised Link simply blinked out of existence.

           Kuwabara rubbed his head (and so did everyone else -err, they rubbed their own heads that is...), “Ouch, I think that hurt…”

  ~~~~