Forever

CHAPTER 2: Rin’s Revelation

        “Rin.” Sesshoumaru stopped as the girl dropped the pitcher she had been holding with a clatter.  He raised a brow, watching with curiosity as she picked it up with trembling hands and righted it.

        “Y-yes, my lord?” she didn’t turn to look him in the eye, he noticed.

        His gaze narrowed suspiciously.

        “What’s wrong?”

        Her eyes darted to his and then quickly away once more.

        “Nothing.  What could possibly be wrong?”

        He knew she was lying, he could smell it.  And even if he had not been able to, it was obvious in her every movement that something was wrong.

        It was almost as though she was afraid of him, except that the scent wasn’t quite right.

        As much as he hated to admit it, he was a bit puzzled.

        Rin had never feared him.  Not when she had found him as a child, though, by all rights, she should have been afraid.  Especially since her parents had just been killed right before her eyes. Not when she saw him battle his brother.  Not when he gave her a command with no logical explanation.  Nor when he ignored her entirely.  She was never anything but open and completely trusting.  Perhaps that was part of why he had kept her.  Her attitude intrigued him.

        But for the last month Rin had seemed positively terrified to be alone with him.

        He knew it must have something to do with her weak human emotions.  But he didn’t know what had triggered it.

        All he knew was that it bothered him, and it was going to stop.

        “Deceit is not your forte.” He stated.

        This brought her gaze back to his face, and her look of utter bewilderment almost undid him, “What?”

        “You are a poor liar, Rin.” He said quietly.  He noticed a strand of hair had fallen across her face and he reached up to move it aside.  To his surprise she shied away as though afraid he would strike her.  That thought stirred feelings in him that were in no way pleasant.

        His eyes narrowed once more and he caught her chin, forcing her to look at him.

        “Whatever it is, you will cease this nonsense now.”  He didn’t want her to be afraid of him, though he wasn’t quite certain why.  There had been times when she was younger that he had wished that, but not many. He supposed it was nice to have someone who obeyed you out of trust and loyalty rather than fear.  Yes, that must be it. His eyes softened as he saw her stricken look. He gentled his hold on her face, though he didn’t release her entirely. “I have never struck you Rin.  Nor do I intend to do so now.”

        If he had expected this to ease the look on her face he was sorely mistaken.  But she did make an attempt at a smile.

        “Of course not.” She said with forced brightness.  “I know that.” Their gazes held for a few moments, and Sesshoumaru knew she was hiding something from him.  He could see that she knew this as well.  But he also saw determination in her eyes, and it suddenly struck him that, for the first time since he had met her, she was not going to give in to him.

        “May I finish now, Lord Sesshoumaru?” she asked quietly.

        He considered his options.  He could not very well force her to tell him, especially after what he had just said about not striking her.  And it did appear that her nervousness had left her.  So it would seem he had achieved the goal of his original intent. Why push the issue?

        He nodded and released her, heading back outside. He paused in the doorway. “I’ll be going into a nearby village for the next few days.” He told her. “Don’t wander too far from the clearing.  I’ll leave Ah-Un with you in case there is trouble.” He said, referring to his two headed dragon horse.

        “Alright.”

        Feeling a bit uncertain he left the house.  At least he would have several days away to himself to think.

 

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        Rin had nearly jumped out of her skin when she had heard him come up behind her.  She flushed, but doubted he had noticed since she still had her back to him.

        The last few weeks had been very awkward for her. 

        <Why did he kiss me?>

        The question still plagued her.  It would seem the kiss had meant nothing to him, for he carried on with life as usual.  But somehow she found that impossible to do.  She wished she had another woman to talk to; someone to explain to her all the things that she was feeling.

        She was fairly certain she knew what her problem was. But, having been raised by an all but emotionless male demon for the better part of her life she wasn’t sure how to express it.

        She was fairly certain she was in love with him though.

        And that thought frightened her more than she could understand.

        She had never been afraid of him.  Not even when they had first met.  She should have been, but... she wasn’t. It was as though she had somehow known that he would take care of her.  It had felt comfortable, and right, to be near him.

        But now... when she was near him she had trouble breathing and she felt warm all over.  She felt lightheaded and disoriented and her heart raced so fast she sometimes feared it would explode from her chest.

        Was it because she was a woman now? Or simply because she had never before been kissed by a man? Somehow she doubted any other man’s kiss would have had this affect on her.  Not that she had any experience, but her woman’s intuition told her that Sesshoumaru was special.

        That wasn’t what frightened her though.

        What she was most afraid of was that he would find out.

        He had excellent hearing.  To a human all of his senses seemed heightened.  Surely he had noticed the change in her, noticed her physical reactions.  And, though she, of course, was unable to smell it, she was almost certain there was something in her scent that might tip him off.

        What if he found out and he sent her away?

        She didn’t think she could bear that.

        As much as she was afraid, she needed to be near him.  Felt somehow that she would die if she was not.  Even if he never knew, if he never returned her affections, she needed to be there.

        She felt her heart sink as she recalled his last words.  He was going to be gone for several days.

        He had never left her for so long before. Why was he doing so now?

        Her eyes widened in fear as a new thought surfaced.

        What if he knew?  What if he knew and was so utterly repulsed that he could no longer bear to look at her?  What if he was never coming back?

        Terrified that he was going to leave her forever she raced out of the house, hoping to catch him and plead with him to stay, or to let her go with him.  Surely he would benefit from having her with him on this lengthy trip.

        But when she reached the edge of the clearing he was nowhere to be seen.  Jaken, it appeared, was gone as well.

        Her eyes brimmed with tears and she collapsed to the ground, sobbing.

        He had left her.

        A short while later she felt something nuzzle her head, and turned to see Ah-Un standing behind her, looking at her sorrowfully.  She sniffed and reached up, burying her face in the creature’s fur. It just stood there and let her cry.

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        Thinking about it now, two days later, Rin was very relieved Sesshoumaru had not been in the clearing when she had come barreling out of the house in that most unladylike manner. 

        As her tears had abated, so had her fear that he had abandoned her.  She now realized that the plea she had intended to make would not only have been rejected, but it would probably have caused the very event she was so fearful of.  After all, he had given her no reason to doubt him.  What other explanation could she have given for her behavior?  What reason other than her irrational fears brought on by her undeniable, and, almost certainly, unreciprocated, infatuation with him.

        She sighed as she sat beneath what she secretly thought of as “his” tree.  As ridiculous as it sounded it made her feel close to him to sit here.  She would, of course, never have sat there while he was there.  Wouldn’t that be telling? But he had said he would be gone for several days.  Rin figured several meant at least three.  She wrapped her arms around herself, for a moment imagining that it was Sesshoumaru holding her.  And then her eyes snapped wide open and she flushed, feeling completely ridiculous.

        It was definitely a good thing Sesshoumaru wasn’t there to see her blush like an idiot.  She was embarrassed enough without having to try and bluff her way through another interrogation like the one the day he left.

        Alright, she had to admit that it wasn’t exactly an interrogation.  And he had been the one to relent.  Which had, quite honestly, surprised her. 

        But when he had made that remark... ‘deceit is not your forte... you are a poor liar, Rin’ she had been so certain he had known.

        That was the real reason she had backed away from his hand.  She had been mortified.

        Still, when he had brought his hand up to her face she had had a terrible fear that he was going to kiss her once more, just to prove that he had an effect on her.  Ridiculous, because he had given no indication that he knew, or even suspected, her new found feelings for him.  The worst part had been that she had wanted him to kiss her again.  She had been so afraid he would see it in her eyes.

        It was all she could do to keep from throwing herself at him and spoiling everything.

        <Why couldn’t he just leave well enough alone?>

        She shook her head.  She knew he wouldn’t.  For some reason he had never been able to leave her well enough alone.  She knew he despised humans.  That he had no respect for their lives.  They were merely pawns to him.  But he had always been different with her.  When she was a child he had even allowed her to hug him.  She suddenly wondered why that was.

        She shook off the thought, certain that her own hopeless fantasies were tingeing her memories, and obscuring her judgment.

        He felt nothing for her.

        If he had, then surely he would have followed up on that kiss.  Surely he would have done more than walk away from her, critique her kissing, and go on with life as if nothing had happened.

        No.  He felt nothing for her.

        Perhaps Jaken had been right all along.  Perhaps he had only saved her for the sake of the sword.