Forever

CHAPTER 3: Sensation

        Rin had not heard Ah-Un in some time.  She wasn’t exactly worried, but she had a strange sense of foreboding.  Something wasn’t quite right.

        Wiping her hands on a towel she stood and walked out into the clearing.

        “Ah-Un!” she called.

        She frowned when she got no response.  Ah-Un always came when she called.  Even when it was with Lord Sesshoumaru, it would abandon its Lord for her.

        “Ah-Un! Come out right now!” she called more loudly this time, stepping farther into the clearing.  She checked all of Ah-Un’s favorite resting places, but found no sign of the creature.

        Suddenly she heard a noise in the forest. 

        “Ah-Un?” It didn’t sound too horribly far away.  And it truly did sound very much like Ah-Un.

        Perhaps the creature had chased some small animal and not realized how far it had strayed.

        She set off toward the noise.  At the edge of the clearing she stopped ‘don’t wander too far from the clearing’ Sesshoumaru had warned her.

        But she rationalized that she would only be gone a short while, and Ah-Un would be with her for the return trip.  Besides, it didn’t sound as though the creature was too far off.  And he had not instructed her to stay in the clearing, just not to wander far from it.

        She headed into the forest, but before long she realized that the sounds she heard must have been echoes because they weren’t getting any closer.

        The forest was growing more dense, and darker as well, as the light had trouble breaking through the thicker foliage.  Soon she began to hear strange noises, and phantasmagoric shadows flittered along the edges of her vision.

        Then, even the sounds of Ah-Un’s echoes faded.

        A slow, sinking feeling of dread seeped into her, seeming to permeate her entire being.  Something was very wrong.

        She was torn between turning back and going just a bit further.  Something in her urged her to move on and, when she thought she heard Ah-Un much louder now, she obeyed that voice.

        A moment later she emerged through thick brush into a spacious clearing along a stream.  Beside the stream Ah-Uh was rolling in the grass.

        “There you are.” She scolded.  “I was worried about you.” She approached the creature, reaching out to pet it, “Why did you wander so far?”

        Abruptly Ah-Un jerked away from her hand, its eyes fixed on a point behind her.  It let out a low growl.

        “What is it?” Rin turned and screamed... 

 

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        Jaken had been chattering incessantly since they had begun the walk back from the village.  Sesshoumaru had no idea what the toad had said.  He was long since used to ignoring all the small demon said.  He used the time, instead, to think.

        He wondered if Rin was alright.  He had never left her alone for so long a time.  But she was fairly capable, for a human.  And Ah-Un was with her.  The creature was as loyal to Rin as a mother bear to her cub.

        Quite likely Rin was just fine.

        He fingered the small locket he had bought for her.  He still didn’t know what had possessed him to buy the trinket.  But it seemed to him that it wanted to belong to her.  It was made for her.  It had cost him a tidy sum too.  He could have taken it, but he didn’t want Rin’s gift to be... tainted.  He had always purchased her clothing, the few times he had needed to replace them.

        He imagined the look of pleasure that would be on her face when he gave her the locket, and he found himself looking forward to it.

        Strange...

        But then, his thoughts had been a constant tangle since that day.

        The day he had kissed her.

        It was the strangest thing.  When he had analyzed his reaction and felt no emotion whatsoever he had been relieved, believing that he could put his doubts behind him.  But it had not been as easy as that.  Perhaps it was due to her strange behavior.  Or perhaps it had been his own recent conflicting memories.

        What he needed was a good fight; something to remind him who he truly was.

        He wondered where Inuyasha was.

        A run in with his younger brother always reminded him of his priorities.  But Inuyasha hadn’t been much for fighting since his marriage to that woman... Kagome.

        He nearly cringed at the thought of that weak human further diluting their father’s noble blood line.  It was bad enough that Inuyasha had decided not to use the jewel to become a full demon – not that it would have redeemed him in Sesshoumaru’s eyes – and had instead destroyed it.  Worse that he had been mated with a human.  If he needed a mate he could have at least attempted to restore the family honor by finding a suitable mate of the dog demon clans.

        He flexed the fingers on his now whole left arm.

        It was his own arm, recovered from his father’s burial place, given to him by them – his brother and the girl.

        As though they could ever make up for Inuyasha being what he was.

        Still.  It felt good to have his own arm once more, after so many years of plundering arms from others.  This arm would never fade and become useless.  It had mended as though it had never even been severed.

        He supposed he should be grateful for that.

        But gratefulness was not in his nature.

        Sesshoumaru stopped mid step, sniffing the air.

        It took a moment for Jaken to realize that his master was not with him.  At which point he hurried back over.

        “Lord Sesshoumaru?” he began.

        “Something is wrong.” Sesshoumaru said, surprising Jaken with his tone.  It was tense, anxious.  Never, in all the time Jaken had known his master had Sesshoumaru’s tone ever changed.  He was calm, emotionless, without expression.

        Sesshoumaru scented the air once more.  His pupils dilated. Another sure sign of emotion Jaken hadn’t even known his lord possessed.

        “Rin!” he whispered, taking off at a dead run.

        Jaken was momentarily overcome with shock.

        Lord Sesshoumaru did not run.  Only in battle, to attack an opponent using his blinding speed.  Never did he run in this manner.

        “Wait!” Jaken finally collected his senses, “My Lord!  My Lord Sesshoumaru!”

        Sesshoumaru was in no mood to listen to the toad.  He reached the clearing in which the house sat in a matter of moments.  Glancing around he saw no sign of Rin or Ah-Un.  A good sniff told him she had been gone at least an hour.

        Using his delicate nose to ascertain the direction in which she had gone he took off after her, once again at a dead run. 

        By now he could not even hear Jaken’s calls, he was so far ahead of the small demon.

        <Rin> it was the most coherent thought he had right now.  He had to find her.  Something was wrong, very wrong.

        Somewhere in the back of his mind it registered that he was quite a ways into the forest now.  But that thought was buried beneath the blinding concern he felt.  He did not even remember the warning he had given her, nor think to wonder why Rin had come out this far. He just knew he had to reach her.

        Breaking through the thick brush he emerged into a clearing with a stream.

        The first thing he saw was Ah-Un, bloody and torn, moaning and wheezing pitifully.  Clearly the creature would soon draw its last breath.

        A sharp cry drew his attention to the far end of the clearing.  What he saw there made his heart clench.

        It was Rin, battered and dirty.  And approaching her was a strange demon.  He realized it was of the hypnotic kind – those that could control humans, and even other demons.  Clearly this was why she had disobeyed his order, for by now he had recalled that this was far outside the bounds he had set.

        The demon flexed its claws, baring its teeth as it moved toward her.

        Rin let out a pitiful cry, throwing up her arm over her head as if to protect it.  But it would clearly do nothing against the demon’s razor sharp fangs.

        Sesshoumaru stood helpless, unable to move as he watched the creature swipe at Rin’s cowering form.  It was not until her body slumped to the floor that he sprung into action.

        “RIN!!!” he let out a cry of anguish as he charged the beast.  It turned and looked at him, clearly confused by his sudden appearance, and then, absolutely terrified by his rage and his power.

        Sesshoumaru felt a rage he had never known building inside of him.  How dare this – this – vile creature touch his Rin!  What right did it have to take her from him?  The demon tried to back away, but Sesshoumaru was simply too fast for it.  With a single swipe of his poison claws it was over.

        For a moment Sesshoumaru stood over the mangled body of the demon, panting – not from exertion, but from emotion – and staring blankly at his claws.

        A small noise behind him jerked him back to reality.

        “Rin.” He forced himself to act normal, to be cool and unfeeling.  But something was different.

        As he turned to go to her and took in her appearance he nearly cried out.  Dropping to his knees beside her he gathered her into his arms gently, cataloguing her wounds. 

        They were severe.

        She hardly looked like the Rin he had left a few days before.

        For the first time in his life Sesshoumaru was afraid.  He was afraid she was going to die.  At the moment it escaped him that he had the Tenseiga sheathed on his belt – that he could revive her in but a moment. All he knew was that she had lost too much blood - was in too much pain.

        And because of that, he was in pain as well.

        She stirred in his arms and he realized she was trying to speak.  He leaned over her, brushing her hair from her mouth so that he could watch her lips.

        “I’m... sorry...” she said weakly.

        His eyes narrowed with pain, “For what?” he asked softly.

        “I... disobeyed you. I wandered off.” Somehow, miraculously, she sounded stronger now.

        “You’ve nothing to apologize for.” The softness in his voice startled her – it was the first time she had ever heard any emotion in his tone – and her gaze darted to his in surprise.

        For long moments they simply held one another’s gaze, as though they were each searching for something. Slowly Sesshoumaru’s head came down and he brought his lips to hers in a gentle kiss.

        Rin stiffened.  What was he doing?  She couldn’t bear another experiment. And yet... the look in his eyes, and the softness in his tone...   Perhaps this was something more. Perhaps this was something real.

        Still, she wasn’t sure what to do.

        ‘The next time someone kisses you... respond.’

        There then was her answer, in his own words.

        Giving in to the desire that had become such a part of her these last weeks she grasped his kimono and kissed him back.

        Sesshoumaru drew her up closer to his chest as he felt her responding.  He moved his lips from hers, brushing a light kiss across her cheek and then her neck before returning to her mouth.  She was so warm, so sweet, and so alive... He did not even pause to wonder at her remarkable recovery. Gently he nipped at her lower lip and heard her breath catch. She placed a hand up behind his head, working her fingers into his hair.

        She felt so good...

        And then something in his mind seemed to click and he realized what he was doing.

        Thrusting her away from himself he ran a hand over his face.

        What had he been thinking?

        “Weak.” He accused quietly. “Fool.” He stared down at his claws as though they had betrayed him by gently caressing Rin’s waist and hair rather than slashing her to pieces.

        What had he been thinking?

 

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        Rin watched, confused, from the place, sprawled on the ground, where she had fallen when Sesshoumaru had pushed her away.

        He seemed to be talking to himself.

        Worried she reached a hand tentatively toward him.  “Lord Sesshoumaru?” she asked quietly.

        “Get away from me!” he snapped, causing her to draw back.

        “But…”

        “I said GET AWAY!” his voice was raised now, almost shouting.  “Get out of my sight!  I don’t want to look at you.”  A brief pause and then a tortured whisper, "Never again."

        Rin stared at him helplessly. “Lord Sesshoumaru.” She whispered.

        “NOW!!!” he roared, and Rin rose shakily to her feet.  “GET AWAY!!!”

        With his shout spurring her on Rin ran from the clearing, her heart shattering.

        Never again?  He never wanted to see her again?

        But hadn’t he just... she had hoped... but no.  Clearly he did not share her feelings.  She had been right, he was repulsed by the very thought of her.  What had made him take her in his arms she did not know, but it didn’t matter.  Clearly his heart lay elsewhere... if it lay anywhere at all.

        Stumbling blindly through her tears, Rin finally collapsed beside a tree.  She could go no further. Her heart and her legs had given out. Hunched over her knees she buried her face in her hands and wept, the soul wrenching cries of love lost.  And, as though in sympathy, the skies opened up and a steady rain began to fall, drenching her.  In her misery Rin did not notice the wet seeping through her kimono, or the darkness that surrounded her. She simply poured out her heart on the forest floor.

 

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        How long Rin wept there she did not know.  But when she awoke it was daylight, and definitely not morning.  The first thing she felt was the pain in her heart.  It was as though she had been torn in two.

        Somehow her physical wounds from the attack were gone; she had only a few scratches from stumbling blindly through the forest after... after.

        She shivered, suddenly realizing she was wet and cold.  She realized it must have rained at some point the previous night.  She thought of her dry kimonos back at the house, but knew she could not go get them.

        ‘I don’t want to look at you... never again!’

        She would not be welcomed there.

        Bleakly she wondered where she would go now.  She had no family, no friends.  And Sesshoumaru had never stayed with anyone, had rarely even passed through a village or gone near other people – demon or human. In fact, the only people she could even remotely say she knew were Inuyasha and Kagome and their friends. And she was not at all certain that she would be welcome there – if she could even find them.

        Still, they had given Lord Sesshoumaru back his arm, so they couldn’t be all bad.  And it was the only place she had to start.

        Wracking her memory for the location of the village she knew they most often stayed in – or at least, the one they had most often stayed in ten years ago – she headed off in search of them.