Zelda: TP - Gamecube vs. the Wii
The GameCube will win. I know because I’m writing it.
An opening note. For the duration of this series Wii players: Wii-bies | GameCube players: Cubies
To start off we have some general points against the Wii (why? well, we don't like change. So there :P)
First of all, all the hard core Zelda fans will not buy the Wii version because they are already super talented and don’t need any simplification. Second, anything that makes fighting (and killing things) easier, should be banned anyway (promoting violence: BAD!!!). Third, the Wii version will be "as real as the real thing" which more accurately translated from Japanese means one of several things: as time consuming, as hard, as tiring, or as painful (OUCH *_*u) as the real thing.* Fourth, the Wii is "wide- screen", which just means that poor untalented gamers see all 50 enemies in the room at once, and in a moment of sheer terror, panic and forget that only one enemy can attack at a time, (The Chivalrous Code of Enemy Fighting Tactics lesson one. Page 6*) while Cubies see only two enemies at once MAX! and as they are all "hard core Zelda fans" (remember) know this code by heart and remain completely focused.
On to the remotes. We’re thinking that the motion controller, while great in theory, may cause a little… frustration for gamers. To illustrate our point we pitted a Cubie against a Wii-bie (okay, so it was only in our heads – but we swear it would happen like this for real) and let them at Twilight Princess. Their first task: archery against a moving target.
Round 1: Archery
We begin with the Cubie. Our hardcore Zelda fanatic has managed to defeat the enemy in exactly 0.25 Pico seconds (that’s one fourth of one trillionth of a second for all you non math freaks), while on horse back, with reverse aiming and everything.
Meanwhile the Wii-bie is having a bit of trouble. Now, just to be fair (the system is new.) we gave the Wii-bie a coach. The following is their conversation during the round. Wii-bie : Coach
"It won’t shoot."
"Are you holding ‘A’?"
"Am I supposed to?"
"YES!"
"Okay… still not working…"
"Did you hear the twang?"
"What twang?"
"You should hear the string draw taut and then when you release there should be a twang."
"The string never drew taut!"
"That’s because you didn’t grab an arrow."
"I have to grab those?"
"Yes!"
"Where do I get an arrow?"
"From your quiver." The Wii-bie gives their instructor a blank look. "Put the Wii-mote over your shoulder like you’re gonna scratch your back… come on, do it."